Thursday, February 27, 2014

One Year Cancerversary

Wow, I can't believe it has been a year! As I sit here and think about my life one year ago today my mind keeps running through the events that transpired February 27, 2013. Once I was diagnosed with the "C word" my life changed forever. Looking back is very emotional,  but what hits me the most is remembering leaving the doctors office after we heard the news and the moment Ron and I walked back into his parents house and both of our parents were there waiting for us. I fell into my moms arms and we all just cried. I remember thinking my little boys are in the next room and I don't want them to know what is going on and also being so scared of what was to come. There were so many unanswered questions, had it spread, would I survive, what was surgery going to look like? Those few weeks before my first surgery were the hardest weeks of my life.
But...I survived, I had my entire colon removed with a j pouch put in, I lived with an ileostomy for 5 months, I had 3 months of chemo and another take down surgery in August. I would be lying if I said this last year was easy or that I still don't struggle with the scars that are left behind on my body, but I know without a doubt God cured me and this truly happened for a reason. I lived with Ulcerative Colitis  since I was 12 years old and at times it was debilitating especially the last 10 years, I had two premature boys because my body would not provide them with enough nutrition. I lived my life literally looking for the closest bathroom and wondering if this would be the time I wasn't going to make it. My anxiety to travel was crippling just because I knew I would be sick and traveling is one my my favorite things in the world.  I lived scared of the chance that my doctor would one day tell me I needed to have surgery and did everything humanly possible to prevent that, but God hit me of the head with a 2x4(cancer) and said we need to get that colon out of you.
I know that most peoples cancer stories are much different than mine, they went from living a normal life to having cancer, but honestly for me cancer has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I now live a normal healthy life. My husband and I traveled to Paris and Germany this fall and Mexico a few weeks ago to celebrate being done with cancer and I have never felt better. Our marriage is stronger than ever, I am a better mom and my relationship with God is real and intimate. I learned to depend on Him and trust Him entirely and through the support of my wonderful husband, amazing family and friends I lived through a year that could have been a totally different story.
Thank you for taking the time to read this today, this day is stirring a lot of emotions for me mostly good emotions but still emotional. I ask that you please pray for my family as I get my CAT scan results back in the next couple days that they are 100% clear. My doctor was blown away a few months ago when my blood results came back "immaculate", please pray that that continues. Sounds so weird (and perhaps absurd) to say this, but if I could go back and change things, I don't think I would. I love where I am now and who I've become and who I've befriended, my relationships are authentic and I live in the moment not worrying about tomorrow. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Heidi, I stumbled upon your blog today. My name is Jennifer. Thank you for writing this blog. It's words I needed to hear today. I have a question for you if you can email me at Thanks!