One Year Cancerversary

Wow, I can't believe it has been a year! As I sit here and think about my life one year ago today my mind keeps running through the events that transpired February 27, 2013. Once I was diagnosed with the "C word" my life changed forever. Looking back is very emotional,  but what hits me the most is remembering leaving the doctors office after we heard the news and the moment Ron and I walked back into his parents house and both of our parents were there waiting for us. I fell into my moms arms and we all just cried. I remember thinking my little boys are in the next room and I don't want them to know what is going on and also being so scared of what was to come. There were so many unanswered questions, had it spread, would I survive, what was surgery going to look like? Those few weeks before my first surgery were the hardest weeks of my life.
But...I survived, I had my entire colon removed with a j pouch put in, I lived with an ileostomy for 5 months, I had 3 months of chemo and another take down surgery in August. I would be lying if I said this last year was easy or that I still don't struggle with the scars that are left behind on my body, but I know without a doubt God cured me and this truly happened for a reason. I lived with Ulcerative Colitis  since I was 12 years old and at times it was debilitating especially the last 10 years, I had two premature boys because my body would not provide them with enough nutrition. I lived my life literally looking for the closest bathroom and wondering if this would be the time I wasn't going to make it. My anxiety to travel was crippling just because I knew I would be sick and traveling is one my my favorite things in the world.  I lived scared of the chance that my doctor would one day tell me I needed to have surgery and did everything humanly possible to prevent that, but God hit me of the head with a 2x4(cancer) and said we need to get that colon out of you.
I know that most peoples cancer stories are much different than mine, they went from living a normal life to having cancer, but honestly for me cancer has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I now live a normal healthy life. My husband and I traveled to Paris and Germany this fall and Mexico a few weeks ago to celebrate being done with cancer and I have never felt better. Our marriage is stronger than ever, I am a better mom and my relationship with God is real and intimate. I learned to depend on Him and trust Him entirely and through the support of my wonderful husband, amazing family and friends I lived through a year that could have been a totally different story.
Thank you for taking the time to read this today, this day is stirring a lot of emotions for me mostly good emotions but still emotional. I ask that you please pray for my family as I get my CAT scan results back in the next couple days that they are 100% clear. My doctor was blown away a few months ago when my blood results came back "immaculate", please pray that that continues. Sounds so weird (and perhaps absurd) to say this, but if I could go back and change things, I don't think I would. I love where I am now and who I've become and who I've befriended, my relationships are authentic and I live in the moment not worrying about tomorrow. 

Victory is the Lords

Well quite a lot has happened since my last update and many of you have been asking how I have been doing. I apologize for not updating sooner but to be honest I was a little overwhelmed and nervous to say out loud that I was finally going to be done with everything. I felt like if I said it out loud I was going to jinx it somehow and that scared me. But through a lot of prayer, talks with God, family and friends I can finally say confidently "I am a Cancer Survivor"!!!!
So to update you on what has happened in the last month or so...I had my ostomy take down surgery on Monday Aug 5, the surgery went amazing and I was able to leave the hospital 2 days later on Wednesday. I went home with what my husband referred to as a bullet hole size open wound in my stomach where the ostomy was and everything replumbed. I thought the whole process of relearning to go to the bathroom was going to be really hard but I was amazed on how well everything went. I met with my oncologist on August 22 and he said all my bloodwork came back normal and we just need to follow up with testing in 3 months and then every 6 months after that for the next 5 years to make sure nothing has changed. I asked if I could have my port taken out since I was all done with chemo and he said yes so I had that procedure done this last Friday. So as you can see I have been very busy but with all good things. My "bullet wound" is healing and my chest is just a little sore from the port removal but overall everything is going great! I can't even believe that I get to say that!
When I was diagnosed with cancer 7 months ago I have never been more scared in my life, scared that I might not get through this but mostly scared for my husband and boys. I have been blessed with the opportunity to embrace my life and live it as well as I can, but I decided early on that I wasn't going to get through this with a poor me attitude. I want to be here to raise my boys, grow old with my husband and hopefully hold my grandchildren one day. This is my HOPE. This is my PRAYER. But no matter what, I’m living NOW.
Now that I am done with this journey I probably won't be updating my blog very often, I am taking this opportunity to refocus my life, concentrate on the future and live a life that truly reflects God's heart. Please know that I am very open about talking about my story, so please feel free to ask questions. I will not be forgetting about the past, I have learned from it accepted it and am now moving on.
One last thing I do want to encourage you to do is never ignore the signs of your body, even if you may feel embarrassed to talk about it, always remember your life is more important.

The End is Near

I want to praise God for the experiences I have been through for the past 6 months and also thank Him that its almost over. I finished up my final round of chemo Saturday July 13, and I have spent the last couple weeks recovering and feeling pretty great. Today Ron and I met with my surgeon and I have my ostomy takedown surgery scheduled for next Monday Aug 5. I am ecstatic and nervous and emotional just thinking about being done with this all. I keep thinking that when I am done, my life will be normal again but I know I am walking into a totally new territory. I have had Crohns disease since I was 12 years old so I am not sure what "normal" really is but I can't wait to find out!
Thank you to my friends and family who have prayed in faith that I would persevere through all of this, I have gained strength and comfort from knowing that. I appreciate the continued prayer and support as I have my surgery next week and will have about 4-6 weeks recovery time. I have found one of the best ways to draw strength is to sing praises to God even when things are weighing heavy. So, please praise Him with with me as I embark on this next path in my life journey and that I will continue to find strength and courage for the next steps.

My Grace is Sufficient for You

God's grace is sufficient for you, and His grace is enough to get you through the toughest times. These last 4 and 1/2 months have been some of the hardest times of my life so far, but also some of the most amazing. I have had some of the lowest days, but on those lowest days God has shown me His precious grace, His mercy and His loving kindness. And the amazing part, some of you may ask how my life could be amazing when I am going through cancer at age 28, but through this tough time God has shown me true love, my husband Ron has carried me and loved me unconditionally through the daily struggles, my family has stood by me, gone to appointments, made me laugh when I want to cry, my friends have just been there when I needed them, sent me flowers, cards, gifts, called, texted, brought us meals, done whatever we needed whenever we needed it. This journey has been an incredible blessing and joy to our lives, we have depended on God and each other and have grown so much closer and enjoyed a depth of love we never dreamed possible.
I'm sorry it has been so long since I have updated, but that is actually a good thing because I really haven't had much to share. The chemo has been going well, I really haven't had too many side effects other than being tired which seems to be getting worse as time goes on. This week I will be going through round 6 of chemo, I honestly can't even believe how fast the last 4 and 1/2 months have gone. I truly believe God has protected me during this time and all the thoughts and prayers being sent up by you all have been what has carried me through. Tomorrow I have an ultrasound to checkout my liver because the last two rounds of chemo my blood work has shown my liver numbers are high, so they want to see what is causing that. Also, when I go in Thursday for my chemo infusion we will be meeting with the doctor to finalize a discussion of possibly being done with chemo after 6 rounds which would mean I would be done on Saturday which is also my 29th b-day!! When I first met with the doctor he told me that he thinks studies will show that with the FOLFOX treatment of chemo that 6 rounds will prove to be just as good as 12. So Ron and I have been praying about it and I really don't want to put any more poison in my body than I have to, so we would like to be done after 6 if the doctor agrees.
So, I ask for your prayers this week as we get my test results back and make one of the biggest decisions of mine and my families life. Ron and I feel at peace about it, but we still need to finish the discussion with the doctor and it depends on how the tests this week turn out. My girlfriend Kelly sent me a beautiful bracelet this weekend with the Serenity prayer inscribed on it to encourage me through this week. I want to share it with you because I know some of you are going through some really hard things, and I hope it lifts you up as much as it did me.

Trust in the name of the Lord

I started round two of my chemo yesterday, it went great overall my amazing friend Arryn came and hung out with me for the day, we were able to enjoy the beautiful day out on the deck at Lemmon Holton. The only real issue I had was when they took me off the infusion at the hospital to transfer it to my take home part I started having immediate reactions to Oxaliplatin which causes the neuropathy in my hands and feet. Have you ever had a charlie horse in your feet/toes? That is what it felt like in my hands, I couldn't move or function with them very well. My hands have been very unsteady, shaky and have much more extreme sensitivity to the cold compared to last time. I ended up staying at the hospital for an hour and a half after my infusion was done because my neck was breaking out in a rash and they thought I was having an allergic reaction to the chemo. We think it was just my nerves regarding my hands, it was really freaking me out. My doctor is was supposed to see me every other treatment, but because of my extreme reaction to the Oxaliplatin drug he wants to see me every time I come so he can monitor me closely.

This is a pic of me hanging out at home after chemo yesterday wearing my sweet fanny pack with the chemo pump inside.

I was reading my devotions this morning and this really spoke to me, I think there is a few of you that may need to hear this today too so I thought I'd share. "Trust me here and now. You are in rigorous training-on an adventurous trail designed for you alone. This path is not of your choosing, but it is My way for you. I am doing things you can't understand. This is why I say "Trust Me!" The jungle is thick, and you cannot clearly see what is before you, behind you, or beside you. Cling to My hand as you follow this trail in shadowy darkness. Although you cannot see Me, My Presence with you is rock-solid reality. Find hope in Me, beloved, for I am taking care of you. Focus on enjoying Me and all that I am to you - even though your circumstances scream for resolution. Refuse to obsess about your problems and how you are going to fix them. Instead, affirm your trust in Me; wait hopefully in My Presence, and watch to see what I will do." - Jesus Today, Sarah Young.

I have had a lot of people ask how I could truly trust God during this time, this is what I shared with a friend. "I just think about the trust that my boys have in my husband and I, they know that we love them unconditionally and they don't question whether we will take care of them, and that is the kind of faith that we should have in God our Father. God loves us and wants to help us with All our problems, big and small and although it is sometimes hard we need to let him." When we entrust our cares to God, we are allowing Him to be glorified no matter the outcome.

Prayer Requests.
1. That my neuropathy gets better and it won't become cumulative as the chemo goes on.
2. I will have strength on the hard days.
3. Peace and Strength for my family as they are been helping me through this.

Pics

I have been asked by a few people to post more pictures of my journey on my blog since not everyone gets to see me on the reg and also don't see them on FB :)
So I thought I would throw a few up of my journey so far.

Post Surgery

Port Placement

First Chemo Treatment - Hospital stay for blockage

My adorable husband and I, just wanted to share this one because Ron looks cute in his suit and we are celebrating our 6 year wedding anniversary tomorrow!

Okay now I will be better about posting pictures in the future :)

Rachel Zoe - "Beyond Major"

So I have always been a fan of Rachel Zoe since her show debuted in 2008 and have been watching ever since. I think she is an amazing stylist, designer and more important working wife and mother who always takes time for her family and puts them first. I absolutely love her clothing line and her vintage inspired style, you know me and my obsession with my huge flair jeans and anything vintage. As many of you know part of my chemo regimen requires me to have an infusion that is worn in a fanny pack that I take home, the bag that  was given to me is your basic black fanny and not cute whatsoever. So I have been trying to find something that would match my style and also work to hold the chemo, lets just say there is not a lot out there. Then it came to me, I was watching Rachel Zoe and remembered she had designed a fanny for her 2013 spring collection and it would work perfectly.

Of course, I scoured the internet and was not able to find it anywhere, so as a last resort I went to her company's website and wrote an email to the contact info address telling a little bit of my story and that I was looking to see where I could buy one and what I wanted to use it for. I honestly thought in no way would I get a response, and if I did it would be a link to a website where I could buy. To my surprise I got an email this morning from the VP of Strategic Brand Development in Rachel Zoe's New York office. This was the response I received.

Are you kidding me??? When I received this email this morning, I literally started shaking and crying. To some of you this may seem really silly, but this touched me in such a way I can't even explain. First of all the I am sure Rachel and her team get thousands of emails a day and for mine to touch someone enough to bring it up in a meeting with the incredibly busy Rachel Zoe, her husband and Mandana I can't even believe it, but for her to send me 2 bags I am just blown away.  

So to say the least today has been a pretty great day I received this amazing email this morning which is probably one of the coolest things ever, I had flowers on my door step from our jeweler that Ron has bought all my jewelry from saying they were thinking about me, and I had a girls fun night out with a great friend.  I just love the little ways God shows you He is thinking about you even when life is hard and some days are a struggle to get up in the morning. He loves us all and shows us love through the ways that we need it and this was exactly what I needed. I loved Rachel Zoe before but now I love her even more, she's just maj! God you are awesome!!

Thank you!

Thank you all for your love and support, I am blown away by the calls, messages, text's, emails and posts. I seriously have the worlds best support system, this is the beginning of a long road but I am more confident than ever that I will get through this and God has a plan! 

I love this verse and I feel it is more applicable to my life now more than ever. I have found comfort in making God my refuge in this time of struggle. 

I had a few more biopsies done today, depending on how those turn out will affect the course of action the surgeon will take in surgery. Praying they came back negative for precancerous or cancerous cells so that we can still do the J pouch and not have to consider a full colostomy bag at this time. 

Also, I have had a lot of people ask about how they can help including meals. My amazing friends Stacy and Kelly set up this site for our family so I have one less thing to worry about.

http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=RTZV7326 

Hugs - Heidi 

A New Journey

Well, not even sure how to begin, these last few weeks have been a whirlwind. I guess no better place to start than from the beginning. Two weeks ago I had a colonoscopy as I do pretty much every year. I knew I had had one last February so at the beginning of February this year I called my doctor and I scheduled one for myself on February 25. Everything went as smoothly as could be, the doctor came in afterwards and told me the colon looked much better than it had in the past but he found one spot that was infected so he biopsied the entire area and we would have results Wednesday. I thought nothing of it since he said my colon looked mostly clear which was a huge improvement from the last 10 years of colonoscopies and I have been feeling so good. Anyways, I had a follow up appointment on Wednesday night and I received a call from my doctor personally on Wednesday afternoon saying he was looking forward to seeing me and asked if Ron could come to the appointment with me. I knew immediately that something was very wrong. Wednesday night February 27 my world was turned upside down, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, the pathology report came back positive. I am 28, married a mother of 2 and I have Colon Cancer. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I couldn't hold it together.

We were given a lot of information, but I left knowing I had cancer and would need to have surgery to take it out, and they also were not sure if it had spread to or from anywhere else. They had already scheduled a CT scan for me on Friday and an appointment with a Colon Rectal Surgeon the following Wednesday. So the waiting game began, I had the CT Scan Friday March 1, and found out Sunday that the cancer was confined to the colon and was no where else, Praise God! I had an appointment Wednesday with the Colon Rectal Surgeon and he said the only way to get rid of the cancer is to completely remove the entire colon because of my history with Ulcerative Colitis (UC).  They want to take my entire Colon out and replace it with a J Pouch, I will have an ileostomy bag for three months and another procedure to take it out and connect the small intestine to my J Pouch. I again fell apart, this is what I had been praying for not to happen since I was 12 years old and was diagnosed. Ron spoke with our work and they told us to take the next few days or as much time as we needed to figure this out, research, get second opinions and pray. We could not be more blessed with an amazing company that loves and cares for us both and our family. We know this is going to be one of the most important decisions of our lives and we want to make sure we are doing the right thing. Through some amazing divine God connections we were able to get a hold of one of the leading Colon Rectal Surgeons at Cleveland Clinic the number one clinic in the world for the type of surgery that I am having, and also the head Colon Rectal Surgeon at Penn State. The Surgeons are fully confident in the decision of my surgeon here and the Cleveland Clinic Surgeon actually trained my doctor at the Cleveland Clinic on the surgery I am having. So that is where we are at now, I have surgery scheduled for March 21st at Spectrum Health Hospital, and will be there for 5-10 days depending on how my recovery goes with 4-6 weeks recovery time. I will have a follow up surgery in 3 months as well. I wanted to do the surgery here in Grand Rapids because this is where my support system is and I know they will be a major part of recovery. I know these connections did not just happen, God ordained them and I have complete peace and comfort with my surgeon.

I would be lying to say that this has been easy, but I have already seen God in so many ways through this. Even the little things like the boys being born when they were and being at an age where they don't depend fully on me and have no idea what is going on, I thank God for that everyday. I am closer than ever with my relationship with Him and He has given me a peace about it all. I have my good and bad days. I know this road is going to be tough but he is not going to give me anything I can't handle and I will get through this stronger and healthier than ever. I have been blessed with the worlds best support system God, Ron, my boys, my family, my friends, our job and our church. The outpouring of love and support has been unbelievable, I can't even explain in words how much it has touched us.

So that being said, it is going to be really hard to keep everyone updated on my journey to health, I need all the prayers I can get so I will be using this blog to fill you all in on my progress. Feel free to leave messages or ask questions I am completely open to talk about it, I know God has a purpose in this and wants my story to be told.

Check out this song that really spoke to me at church this Sunday, Praise Him in Advance! We all have our struggles big and small, some days it is hard to understand but God has a plan. How baffled would Satan be if we took our struggles and turned them into praises!
http://www.streetdirectory.com/lyricadvisor/song/plpwww/praise_him_in_advance/

Prayer Requests for my prayer warriors

1. God will continue to give me peace with everything as I process it all.

2. For Ron and the boys, that we can get through this stay strong and as normal for the boys as possible.

3. For the doctor doing the surgery that he will have complete focus, God will guide him with wisdom and skill of both hands and mind.

One last thing, a little irony for you, it's Colon Cancer Awareness Month.
So get tested, it is what will have saved my life!